To my amazement, I realised yesterday that it's only two months now until my next hospital visit. Immediately, my mind turned to that twinge in my big toe. Could it be sinister?
You'd think, wouldn't you, that the further away the cancer retreats, the more confident I'd be of the outcome of my check-ups? Maybe others are, but it doesn't work like that for me. The longer it is since I was sick, the more I worry that "this check-up will be the one where they find something..." And if they do? I veer between shrugging and thinkng that if that happens, then it's meant and worry about the decisions I'd have to make in such a case.
Talking to other cancer survivors, I gather that my concerns are not unusual. It doesn't do anything to diminish them though, so I live in hope that I really will be discharged in January, as promised by the nurse. By then, it'll be three years. It seems a great deal longer than that already.
You'd think, wouldn't you, that the further away the cancer retreats, the more confident I'd be of the outcome of my check-ups? Maybe others are, but it doesn't work like that for me. The longer it is since I was sick, the more I worry that "this check-up will be the one where they find something..." And if they do? I veer between shrugging and thinkng that if that happens, then it's meant and worry about the decisions I'd have to make in such a case.
Talking to other cancer survivors, I gather that my concerns are not unusual. It doesn't do anything to diminish them though, so I live in hope that I really will be discharged in January, as promised by the nurse. By then, it'll be three years. It seems a great deal longer than that already.
1 comment:
Lesley,
It was the same for my mum who everytime was going through lots of worry time. It only stopped with the final check which gave her the all clear:-)
Valérie D
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