Life!

Is it already so long since I last wrote anything here? I can't believe how time races by at the moment.

Life has been incredibly busy, even though I've just finished one contract and am waiting for a new one to be confirmed (or not). Anyway, apart from that, the holiday cottage is rather time-consuming. I'm always delighted to have guests there, but late bookings can be a bit of a challenge, since I have to rush round with a vacuum cleaner and duster, making sure that everything is just-so. Today is going to be particularly challenging, since I'm away for a meeting for two days. Before I leave for the airport at around 3 pm today, not only do I have to prepare my own house for a friend who's coming to dog-sit, but I also have to prepare the cottage for a last minute booking with guests arriving tomorrow (while I'm away). And then there's the assignment marking...

Last night, I was so exhausted that I fell into bed at 7pm! I know the last few entries have been about how tired I am at the moment, but unfortunately, tiredness seems to be a feature of my life right now. I'm not actually worried that there's a sinister cause (ok, I don't think the cancer is back, although tiredness is one of the symptoms I had), though, of course, as I keep saying, that's always at the back of your mind when you've had one brush with cancer. Rather, I think, the amount of work I've put in over the last few weeks, when compared with what I'd been able to do before Christmas, may be a bit too much! Possibly, fourteen hour days aren't a terribly good idea. Just because I now can do that doesn't mean I should!

What I've learned over these last few frantic weeks is that when you are recovering from a serious illness or surgery, you tend to look after yourself and listen to what your body tells you. Once you're over that initial period though, and your energy levels increase, it is a huge temptation to abuse yourself by working far too much. It is important to earn sufficient to live, but the amount of work has to be controlled.

Reflecting on why I'm wearing myself out, I have a suspicion it's the result of writing an unsuccessful job application last year. Among the information in the application pack was a sentence that said that if you'd ever had cancer, you were automatically classed as "disabled". I remember ranting about that at the time; what I hadn't realised was how it had affected my outlook. I now feel a need to prove myself in a way that wasn't the case before I read that sentence. It's annoying to realise that although I keep saying I'm going to do what I want to do now, those few, ill-chosen words have had a huge effect on my confidence.

So, today's thought is that saying you hear in the playground:

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.

I'm now going to work on not being affected by peoples' reactions to the news that I have had cancer.

And... I'm going to try to cut down on the amount of work I take on!