A reason for everything

Although I've never asked the question that is, apparently, common among cancer sufferers - "Why me?" - I have occasionally wondered if there is a purpose to having been diagnosed with cancer rather than some other condition. Today, I feel that I have had some part of an explanation. I was acting as a steward in the Abbey this afternoon, standing in for the deputy verger who had booked today off (the verger also being on holiday) when a family of mother, father and son came in. As they left, the son raced up the Night Stair, with his mother calling to him to be careful. While we waited for him to come down, she whispered to me that he had leukaemia and fluctuated between bouts of extreme energy and lethargy while he was undergoing treatment. She added that people didn't generally understand this and would comment on "a young lad like you being so tired". I was able to tell her that I could understand perfectly the fluctuation between energy and lethargy because I had undergone radiotherapy last year and that is precisely the effect it had on me.

I hope that seeing that I'm ok now and hearing that my experience was similar in terms of the effects of my treatment, may have helped the family, even though the conditions were different. It certainly helped me to hear that what I'd experienced isn't unusual - and it's not something that gets talked about or even mentioned in the leaflets you're given at the hospital or in your discussions with medical staff. Indeed, although fellow patients tend to refer to the tiredness that comes with radiotherapy, I can't remember anyone telling me that they'd veered between times when they couldn't stop racing around to moments when all they wanted to do was crawl into a corner and sleep.

This, in my opinion, is another example of why it's so important to mention the elephant that's hiding in the shadows. You can reassure others and at the same time, gain reassurance for yourself. So, yet again, I have to say that if you have cancer and are undergoing treatment or if, like me, you've had cancer (and don't have it any more!) and have undergone treatment, don't be afraid to talk about it.

Perhaps I mention my experience too often - I have observed people changing the subject and/or backing away from me, remembering that they have to wash their hair/go to the dentist/go to the beauty salon for a painful and embarrassing waxing session - but it's important to make it clear that a) cancer isn't the end and b) what the (side) effects of treatment may be. It's much more reassuring to talk to someone who's been through the experience and to hear them say, "Oh yes, I had that, too" than it is to discuss it with the medical personnel who are much more inclined to draw their breath in over their teeth, making tutting noises, and muse, "Hmmm, that's quite unusual you know. I'm not sure it's related to the treatment." Amazingly, an awful lot of patients seem to experience effects that medical personnel say have no known relationship to the treatment! Certainly, some (side) effects are unusual - like not having any side effects, as my Nurse tells me whenever I see her - while others are widely-recognised. Some, however, are, it seems to me, more widespread than the literature recognises.

This is not to say that you shouldn't mention any signs or symptoms to your medical team - you must always list anything unusual that you've noticed. However, it can also be comforting to find out, by talking to others who've been through the same experience, and to their family and friends, that you're not the only one!