It's now one week since my last radiotherapy session. I had imagined that once the treatment finished, I would soon begin to get over the side-effects. As I've been writing here over the last week, this has not been the case. At least I've learned that I should have believed the radiotherapists when they told me things would get worse before they began to get better. The time they put on me noticing an improvement was two weeks after the last visit to see them. I do wonder if this depends on the type of treatment you have; I've heard people who've had brachytherapy (internal radiation treatment) say that it's taken them, on average, a month after the last treatment before things began to get back to normal.
Today was almost pain-free, which was wonderful. The last ten days or so have been remarkable for the number of times a vicious, colicky pain has stabbed into my abdomen, causing me to gasp, curse and hold my breath until it passes. It seems strange that although the radiotherapists and the specialist nurse warn you that this is a side-effect of abdominal radiotherapy, it appears nowhere on the written list of symptoms you may expect. If I hadn't mentioned it and asked if this was "normal", I would, by now, have been extremely worried. As I said, the treatment is wonderful, but communication skills could be improved.
I do hope I feel well enough to get my walking poles out again this week. It has been so frustrating wanting to go for a walk but knowing that it would be unwise to do so, especially as the weather has become extremely springlike, and I want to go to look at the lambs in the fields before they turn into well-muscled teenagers with attitude!
My biggest surprise since last Monday, I think, has been the rapidity with which my moods have been changing. Immediately after surgery, and for a few weeks after that, I was incredibly happy. Since then, most of the time I've been cheerful - although it must be said that at 03:00, it hasn't been unusual for me to feel somewhat lost and fearful if I've been awake. Even sitting in the hospital, waiting for delayed appointments didn't shake my happiness. Since last Monday, though, I've been happy only about 50% of the time; for the other 50%, I've veered between anger, resentment (at the length of time it took to get a diagnosis) and unexpected tearfulness. This is something that the leaflets don't tell you about, but if you talk to almost any radiotherapy patient post-treatment, they're likely to tell you that their emotions were extremely variable, so I suppose my reactions are fairly typical, given the circumstances.
I wonder what the next week will bring?
1 comment:
Lesley, I can tell you all about mood swings. It's just one year, almost to the day, since I was discharged from hospital following major surgery. I felt good when I was discharged but then, around a week later, I was told by a consultant that I had a very serious form of cancer and, regarding the prognosis, that "it won't be years".
After that, my mood swings were up and down like a yoyo: elation, depression, laughter, tears - the lot.
It got better during Royal Ascot week. This seems a strange thing to say, but one of the hospitals I attend is Heatherwood, right opposite the famous race track. The crowds were all arriving for Royal Ascot, the men in their top hats and morning suits and the ladies in their big hats and summer dresses, as my wife Sally and I entered the hospital for the first interview with my oncologist following my first post-op MRI scan. It was good news. The scan showed nothing abnormal. My wife Sally and were overjoyed. The Ascot crowds were still arriving as we left the hospital. Suddenly the world looked good again. We headed for our local pub...
Since then, it's got better and better. I still get a bit depressed occasionally. One is never 100% sure that cancer won't return, but I try to put it out of my mind. The woods in Berkshire looked lovely today when I took our dog for a walk. The wild celandines and primroses are in bloom, and the thermometer on our garden patio reached 21C degrees today. Spring has arrived!
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