Are the clouds lifitng?

Well, this time last year I couldn't be bothered to think about the coming holiday season. There was no sign in my house that Christmas was on its way. Indeed, for three years, Christmas didn't exist for me. No decorations, Christmas cards put into a heap to be sifted through after the event, no celebrations. The first year, I went to Australia on Christmas Day; my mother had just died and Christmas wasn't welcome in my home. The next year, I had recently moved house and I felt ill - the cancer was beginning to make its presence felt. Last year, I was waiting to go to hospital the day after Christmas. I really didn't feel like doing anything at all, partly from the terror of what was about to happen and partly because I was, by that time, extremely unwell.

This year, for the first time since 2003, I've made a concession to Christmas. My välkomljus are in the window, the Christmas cards on the mantelpiece and I've even allowed Christmas music back into my life. An advent calendar is probably a bit too much at my age, but I'm on the hunt for an advent candle...

I feel well, the clouds of despondency and depression have lifted and my glass is now half full. I notice this with surprise. This recovery thing is strange; for weeks, you seem to stay on a plateau, then, suddenly, there's an improvement, an advance, a lightening of mood and an increase of stamina. Sometimes, there's a small slide backwards - a cold, a cough, an ache - and that's quite dispiriting and alarming. But these don't last - and the move forward is worth waiting for.